End of Semester two of year two I suppose...

This semester has been both eventful and uneventful (ok hope you get it...) had crushes....got over crushes... got into new one... though this one being a little deeper than any before, so I suppose it still qualifies as a crush/infatuation since there is not confirmation towards the result...

Life, has been really a roller coaster of events, not only am I wiser, but also a little too cynnical of things happening around me. I feel that sometimes I can be too serious, on retrospect, could do with a little more letting it go and letting her go (geddit geddit? ;) )

Although this semester is not yet over, it almost is and I feel almost ready for the break that comes after the exams. got no plans yet....no girlfriend... #foreveralone....don't think that's gonna change anytime soon...

On hindsight, enjoy the music from NUS wind symphony in tempo 2014!! the concert which was recently a part of...


9:55 PM

Fast forward a semester, brings me great regret to the selection process I was forced to carry through with too much thought onto some irrelavant details...

Anyway, leaving for my project in 24 hours, and hoping I would not return with a regret...

1:06 AM

Fast forward a year, and here I am, still in this never ending trap of social irrelevance in the lives of others. Believe me, I've tried. Within the holiday alone, I've participated and organized for so many activities that I myself have trouble keeping track of each myself.

Yet, the biggest disappointment I have, would still ultimately be the devotion of so much time and effort into a pet project which is the finale night I have so dreamed of. Yet, at times, the immaturity of conversation between a few individuals in the committee and their utter disregard for the opinions AND presence of their fellow committee member(s) that it almost makes me regret joining the committee. Yet, as I look back, I think back on the first day we sat at the meeting room discussing the storyline and potential activities of the camp with such promise of the event, that I almost forget that there exists the more mature crowd whom probably do not see themselves as a part of this childish banter. Sure enough that without childish banter, there probably would be utter boredom in silence, but surely there exists a possibility of entertaining mature conversation without breaking down into brainless banter?

I do agree that it is only the select minority whom are the noisy ones, but fortunately, I place my faith in the majority whom similarly do not believe would have similar levels of maturity minimally, more befitting a student in university.

The saying that 'still waters run deep but empty pipes make the most noise' truly resonates strongly within myself as I reflect on this. 11:38 PM

5:55 PM

5:55 PM

im reaching the end of my 3 month contract of working...I can't help but wonder...what have I achieved through this short 2 month stint at SP Services...going to finish soon. Have I realized whom do I really have as friends? It is a heartbreaking yet feels necessary process especially for my birthday...what it means to be a friend. Although, this would probably pose a question to myself...are friends which we add on facebook really what I would call a friend or is it just a way of not losing touch with an aquintance? Then I suppose that if that person is really your friend, he would be one regardless of him being on the friends list or not. in the past two years or so, I have come to realize that facebook has really been transformed into a stage or platform for showing a persons projected face. From a person's display picture, to the great number of pictures a person posts just to tell the rest of the world 'Hey, my life is just that much more exciting and happening than yours.' Although, another person may just view these thoughts as 'omgwtf...loser alert' but honestly, truth be told, to the remaining 70% of us...life is just mundane...it only takes that 30% of people to dominate a person's facebook newsfeed...Well, I suppose that as long as facebook still sudvoves as the largest social networking site...I suppose that this would remain the norm for years to come...



5:55 PM

7:26 AM

7:26 AM

honestly? I had higher expectations for the turnout...sure the carnival was awesome and all with many great ideas and obviously great amounts of thinking behind the event...

However, the saving grace for my experience was really having  close friend there whom I've most of my fond memories with in secondary school...

the feeling of going back to the place where I spent 3 years of my life in, somehow feels both alien and familiar at the same time, with the increasing number of batches that have gone by...the teachers also would find it increasingly difficult to even remember our faces and not to mention names...

having been through many tribulations since graduation from that seemingly enstranged school...I cant help but feel that a part of my history whither with the passage of time...

at least when I look back from 10 years lter...this feeling of being in this school would've faded to a distant reminisice pleasantry...

6:53 PM

well there goes the first week of work, spent whiling my time awy taking messages on the sp hotline....I really can't wait to undergo the training next week, altho havi.ng slack job is supposed to feel good, a job that is too slack could almost make you feel that your brain cells are literally rotting away...at least following the training...we would be engaged in some level of thinking and not to mention ot... ot seemed like a blase overused commodity as an nsf with little to no satisfaction for having .no remuneration and doing practically twice the working hours in a day as compared to everywhere else...well in here...I couldn't believe it, but its true...I actually want to do some ot just so that the pay would at least minimally be of satisfaction...considering that it is low enough as it is already...not to mention the deductions to cpf... making every hour spent working feel cheap..

12:44 PM

Well it turns out I have just went for my supposed last taekwondo class on a wednesday...would really miss the pair of brothers there...though young, they are really an adorable duo...despite being a year apart, they can also be worlds apart in character...oh well...can really see the old me in the older brother....would wish them all the best and hope that they would succeed...

well anyway, my really good friend's birthday is coming up in about 2 weeks...still...i am pretty at a loss what to buy for a 21st birthday....something that could show sincerity and yet i don't wanna spend too little also, having been a good friend for such a long time now...sigh what to do what to do...?

8:18 AM

llwell today the day started off really normal enough, until I got onto the bus, saw my first crush on the bus and it really bothered me that even until now, I have no courage at all to just walk up to her and just say hello...(not to mention that the bus was real crowded, making the walk up there that much tougher and easier at the same time...) Well I guess my hopes of anyone to walk up to me should be pretty negligible...

bleh end of rant..

8:18 AM

so...i've began my first day at work....seems pretty chill here as compared to what it was in s1 dept....at least minimally every1 here is really much nicer in comparison.... well...all that nonsense that twh spouted about preparation was all pretty much his excuse to make us slave for him....well..what to do...he pretty much lords over any1 his rank allows him to and tries to do it (but fails miserably) to those his rank doesnt permit him to...

glad that in workibg in a different environment...i do get to see a different side to life aside from that dark and gloomy prospects painted by twh..

11:37 AM

well this is kunda my first time blogging on my handphone so it'll be damn troublesome to get punctuation n spelling correct...oh well..shall try my best..

Well, my new exercise regime - speed training! back fo basics now....from bmt i felt this was the one most tiring programmes...but yet widely acclaimed most effective...so i shall try this out every weekend for a month and see the results...considering i almost had to drag myself out of bed early today...this would also be good to train for university? (the waking up i mean) i really wondered how they carried out this activity for 20 minutes in bmt man....u did it for like 3 minutes or so...n i'm already dead beat...must.....get.....fitter.....

oh well today looks set to be a boring day again...time to get some mid day shut eye..

9:51 AM

Rantings of a forever-alone guy...

Sometimes, when I look at the posts that friends make on facebook, when they go out with their bosom buddies, take photos overseas or even on a yacht, they really leave me with deep sense of emptiness that my life truly feels extremely empty... What did I do right or rather more wrong that would leave me living this boring and monotonous existence on this planet...probably I didn't feel it when I was serving NS as I was too busy and stressed out to worry about outings and just enjoy and relax during my weekends. However, now without the excessive stress from NS and the compulsory time devotion, I am now left with...nothing...

not that I would prefer to go back to NS, as that merely masked the true root behind this meaningless existence? I would have to take a good long look at myself and my life to examine what it truly means to be a friend. 9:09 PM

1. Well, time flies and I am almost one month from ORD already, truly this life felt almost out of reach when I was still in service and really was the object the envy to almost every servicemen still in service. Nonetheless, the day must come and we will have eventually received the COS and that red envelope and able to tell our commanders (in my case that particular twh) to kiss my ass. 7:15 PM

Couldn't help it, but these two years have flown by rather slowly...but surely :)

First thing on my mind today when I was going through birthdays on facebook....Saw that the girl that I used to have a crush on...has the same birthday as my tormentor cum superior in ns...haha...what a coincidence...or a date I probably wouldn't forget for some time...

Would just like to summarize my thoughts on ORD, (first things first the events that have transpired over my long long ns life...)

1. Enlistment into BMTC

This, is truly, a milestone that I would not soon forget in the years to come, even to this day, after two years of serving the nation, that day would forever be etched into my memory. From the lining up at 8 am in the morning for the bus to changi ferry terminal, to the long and seemingly forever ferry ride to the cursed island, many thoughts rushed through my mind then, it was the most depressing moment of my life yet worrisome and uncertain...there was the worry for the A level results that were to come out in 8 days...as well as the chinese new year which just passed and then coming into a life of depravity and desolation (at least that was what I thought when I was going to enlist)...The day, however, did pass quickly enough. Following the parents' departure, it was just a matter of going through motion and following what I was being told....keep reminding myself that I was experienced in this (from my NCC days) yet another part of myself still keeps telling myself that I am in no way prepared for regimentation to this level...

After meeting my PC and PS, who were seemingly nicer than I expected, the next step was...the seemingly daunting and neverending 19 weeks ahead of me...how I was going to interact with my peers in the platoon. Naturally introverted, I do know I do not possess the gift of the gap, yet, I know I would have to learn it somehow throughout this mandatory process that every Singaporean male would have to undergo.

In the coming weeks, PT sure enough was tough, with my Sergeants fierce yet humour filled interactions with us, as well as a sergeant that was in ORD mood (Sgt Desmond :) ) really, I do miss that particular commander that showed to us a more human side of NSF commanders. Stories that we do hear about NS, can make me roil in my bed during the nights before enlistment...No doubt, the commanders that I had during my BMT make me grateful that they were at least humanly reasonable. Of course I did not walk into Tekong expecting to be treated like a young lord, but they at least made my expectation of BMT less horrifying than what I initially thought it was to be.

The following weeks rolled by and eventually the platoon bonded, all 60 of us, maybe excluding that guy from china who really has a huge language gap with the rest of us. Not speaking a word of English other than 'Fuck you' which he learnt from the commanders, it truly was difficult to assimilate him into the NS lingo...well, there were certain individuals who were fighting to enter command school (mayb a little too hard...) at the expense of the rest of the platoon. Most individualistic was this particular person, shankra, who was seemingly friendly, but yet at the same time backstabbing anyone whom he deemed as a threat, as well as to 'wayang' as much as he could...which we all could see very well and particularly no one needed to spell it out as it was too obvious...well anyway, this guy probably got the short end of the stick and did not even make it to command school at all...(serves him right)

Pop neared, and we eventually grew happier with time, and even despite the constant efforts by sgt vignesh to say 'you pop so what, you still come out as a private only...' well, at least we're not a recruit haha....

2. Turn Left to Heaven, turn right to Hell

Well, block leave came and gone, and when we recieved the posting of going to 30 sce...immediately googled it...and was immediately disappointed...with a massive sigh...i remembered the day when I got the posting...I just sat there at the computer, sighing away, despondant after reading so many forum stories about the unit...lol...

First reaction when posting in...saw another guy dragging the duffel bag...asked him...30 sce right? he was like 'sigh...............'

well the days of training were pretty much better than bmt 'relatively' however, there was this insecure spec, sivakumaran...sigh...keep asking about his command style and how is it like when obviously it's very f***ed up...well, him aside, the other specs were pretty much okay and humane...which I must mention my PC. He for starters, can be seen as a guy that really really tries his utmost best for the welfare of those under him. The things which we enjoyed under him would not have been possible.

3. HQ coy, Hq coy HQ coy, we are the best, we are the slackest, we are the HQ company!!

Shortly, after completion of the cbt engr courses, I was posted to S1 department as a clerk. Which I remained till this day. Posted to S1 department with this other useless guy...chen desheng...haha the scores of stories about him, are legion...there is really no limit to how much a person can prove himself to be so unwanted and useless (as proven by chen desheng..) then of course, there are a number of people within s1 department whom have really impacted my life and I still have vivid memories of them (whether fond or not...)

and not to mention my dear twh lol....truly a bittersweet (more bitter than sweet tho..) relationship...the scores of stories I could talk about him, (not to mention even a non stop 6 hour bitching session about the same person...) still...

4. NDP Experience

30 SCE was tasked with the role of handling some major aspects of the spectator managment committee, which I was involved in the orange sector (denoted by seat colour hehe), was a fun experience no doubt, with us burning saturdays and getting our mondays off....enjoyable no doubt, getting to skip a day of office with twh is awesome haha....well...not to say the least, got to meet some interesting people at ndp...heartware ushers were fun :)

5. HR audit

Lol...to say the least, the most inhumane part of my ns life and if i were to post any details here....it would draw too much flak lol....

6. ORD

and last but not least, ORD!!! This has really been a long, interested and meaningful two years, longer than i would have wanted to stay but still the journey has finally come to and end....everything that we have bitched about, gossiped about, worked hard for, is finally...over

ORD LO!! 3:57 PM

Just had a really meaningful outing with my ex upper study yesterday. When he was still around in camp, I kept wondering how it would have been like without him, how the office environment would change. Yet, now...2 months after he has departed from the office, the environment has changed in too many ways for me to count...but 1 thing is for sure, he had a really inexplicable role in the upkeep of (at least my) morale in the office to a normal level. I wonder if it really is 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' but till this date, I do feel the gap left by him when he ORDed...What is left, is a group of people who are forced together by fate and not by choice, resulting in a really convoluted and twisted environment that is really mentally unhealthy.

After the meaningful session, he made me appreciate (to some extent) that I am in SAF...and the tribulations that I go through currently is merely a trial and one of the many milestone in my life that I can still afford to slip up and fail...Much as it is unpleasant for me to undergo punishment in SAF and to burn my time that I can spend 'out of camp' it would really be something meaningful as this period of trial has and would really test me and prepare me for future tribulations...

Looking forward to ORD now has both a pleasant yet uncertainty to the feeling now.. 3:08 PM

11:17 AM

My first time posting from camp...

Man, this is getting really depressing, not only is life in camp getting more down, I am somehow losing sight of any form of happiness anymore. Even though ORD these three letters are coming slowly but surely...but it sucks when people who seem to thrive in such a convoluted environment are putting me down...Even though he is not one to speak of unpopularity, but yet he is still ever as irritating as ever. pressures from different bosses are really still crushing and (almost succeeding)I'm barely coping with this onslaught of being squeezed from both angles.

There really is some form of delight to be had when one boss is not around, yet somehow I am not feeling so...I dread that this may have after effects that may be more persistent than I may like it to be...Going on facebook used to be at least an escape from this twisted and convoluted environment that I am forced to live in 5 days in a week. Truly this is unhealthy to my mental state. Depression seemed like an act not too long ago, however it has in recent times, start to, slowly but surely, becoming more a reality.

9:27 PM